one

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not sure when I became such a way. I just look at my life, my school, everything, and instantly feel hatred. I can't even change that state of mind. It's awful.

Deep down, I'm a hopeless romantic, too. That has to be the worst freaking part. I mean, there's this one guy, who sometimes I feel like he's behind me at school, and I get all excited. He moved away during the 2009 summer. I'm one of those annoying girls who mistakes kindness for love. So, pretty much, I think everybody loves me. Because I want them to. But they don't.

This probably isn't something I should feel often. I just get so frustrated with everyone, and I feel as if nobody actually understands what I'm going through. I'm supposed to go to God with these kind of things, being a Christian and all, but lately I feel like my Christianity is a lie. A joke. An enormous hoax.

Everything has been kind of hard lately.